Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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