She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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