apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I want her autograph on my taint
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
