Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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