I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
