I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
