someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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