i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't put those talents on a resume
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
