Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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