guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
