So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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