All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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