TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
