there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
