I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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