at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
