Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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