if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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