You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
