Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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