I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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