I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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