Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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