It's Friday. Sex?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
