The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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