i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
