I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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