i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
