We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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