I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
