There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
