The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
