oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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