Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize