Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
