Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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