Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize