Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
