i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
