My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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