Duck Duck Cougar?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
