Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
