your parents love me but you hate me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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