I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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