we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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