Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
