went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I am morally bankrupt
In America we eat man semen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize