i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
