Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
