let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
