i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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