I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
