i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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