her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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