girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
