when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
