It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
