I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
