When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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