He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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