She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
