I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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