Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
