party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
